I had never wanted children. Ever. My boyfriend and I had the same feelings on that issue. My mother even said I never really had an interest in parenthood. I had just gone from working over 50 hours a week at two jobs to one full time one. My newfound freedom was very important to me. He had been working a low paying job that was jerking him around on hours. He could barely pay $200 a month for the house. Three girls in my office were pregnant at that time. Two others were single mothers. When I went to an appointment at Planned Parenthood that confirmed my pregnancy they told me my due date, about 3 weeks after the last girl in my office.

I considered every choice. I considered adoption until my best friend reminded me I still think about the dog I gave up for adoption on a daily basis. I considered keeping the pregnancy. I did have very good health coverage for everything but birth control. I had been in a house for a year that I had worked very hard to earn. I knew there was a good chance I wouldn’t be able to afford it if I had a child. I would have to move to a subsidized apartment and get rid of my dog. Considering I’d saved him from the shelter I considered his existent life to be over the one in question in my uterus. I did not want to force my boyfriend to be a father. I also did not feel it was fair to bring a child into a household with one reluctant parent and one very likely absent one. My boyfriend didn’t like kids, I didn’t like kids, even my dog didn’t like kids. I really wished I’d never been in this situation to begin with

Everyone in my office gushed about babies, babies, babies. I took a slight interest but felt no connection with my own pregnancy. Once I found out I was pregnant morning sickness and fatigue hit me like a freight train. I had to hide it and just said I had a cold. Everyone remarked I wasn’t being my cheery self. With all these pregnancies a few people warned me not to drink the water. I thanked them for the heads up. The single mothers I worked with were proud of the choices they made. I can respect that but the sacrifices they went through were not for me. Both asserted independence but were truly heavily reliant on others. Within hours I booked an appointment for an abortion. The state I am in has a 24 hour waiting period between picking up literature and the appointment which was a week out anyways. Thankfully the clinic was only a mile from my home and the only protester keeps her vigil but is relatively harmless. I looked at the literature, which included a picture of what a 6 week old fetus looks like (or an inch worm, I wasn’t quite sure which.) If that was supposed to dissuade me I’m not sure it was the right strategy.

My boyfriend was not supportive of me at that time. He was very approving of my decision but could not help financially and didn’t even know if he could drive me to the appointment. My best friend offered to go if he couldn’t. He was able to get the day off work. In the waiting room he and I looked at a book on dog breeds. We picked out a few we liked. Dogs are much more our style. The clinic was nice and counseled me individually on my decision. We spent 6 hours at the clinic. The procedure was over quickly once it began. I did not have too much pain or bleeding afterwards. Other girls were moaning in their recovery chairs, throwing up, crying¼I was just relieved and wanted to go home. A few times I felt a twinge of sadness but even when my “due date” came and went I never regretted it. I buy baby clothes for my coworkers and I even got into the last pregnancy in my office. Children are not for me though. I just made an appointment for an IUD and hopefully I will never have to be faced with the decision again. I thank God every day that as a competent being able to make her own decisions I was given a choice.