On June 29, 2007, I had my abortion. My boyfriend (42) and I (38) decided ahead of time that we would have an abortion if we became pregnant. I already have a teenage daughter from my first marriage, and he has an 8-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter from a previous relationship and his first marriage, respectively. We had been dating for about 9 months when we found out I was pregnant. At first it was a surprise, then it was, "ok, well, we know what we're going to do." I called my HMO to see if it was covered (it was). The receptionist who answered was all excited and said, "Well, we don't see pregnant moms until after their 8th week of pregnancy." I knew that I wanted to get it over with, so I had to politely cut her off and tell her I planned on termination. She apologized and transferred me to their benefits department to explain what was covered. I made the first appointment and went for the pregnancy test, ultrasound, etc., then set up the appointment for the procedure. Between those two dates, I was spotting and passed a blood clot about an inch long. Thinking it was a miscarriage, I set up an appointment with the OB/GYN for the 28th. I had discussed with her that I was going to terminate. So, why did she make it a point to show me the monitor for the ultrasound and mention, "right there is the sac and there is the heartbeat." Talk about a downer! I went home and was bummed out for the rest of the evening. My boyfriend kept asking if I was sure I wanted the abortion. I nodded, but was on the verge of tears when I told him what the ob/gyn said. The next morning, we kept the appointment. To ease my fears, I asked the Gods (I'm Pagan) to allow this soul to be born through a younger, healthier mother (I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol and depression--monitored by meds). In my mind's eye, an angel appeared. She (yes, it was female) was holding close to her bosom a small white Divine light in her hands, and gave me the most serene smile (not judgemental in any way) and proceeded to disappear. I was comforted and able to go through with the procedure. I was sedated and the next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery. My boyfriend supported my decision and has been wonderful since. We have told no one (my family are all pro-life and I don't feel like arguing with them) and may never tell. I, too, know of the site where women grieve over their abortions. I, on the other hand, felt no grief. Would I do it again? Yes, but I know to use better protection this time to prevent another pregnancy from happening. Thank you for this site for women like me to visit and post.
   |