At the end of my first pregnancy I became very ill. My blood pressure skyrocketed and I ended up with permanent neurological damage. My doctors advised me that another pregnancy would be very risky and could result in further neurological damage, or even death. Unfortunately, we didn’t follow through with the plan for my husband to have a vasectomy when we first discussed this years ago. We continued to use various birth control methods and never had any problems – until recently.

I had other, more “selfish” reasons for not following through with the pregnancy. After spending some years as a stay-at-home mother, I went back to university and received a law degree. I am now blessed with a career I love, a strong, loving marriage, and a beautiful, brilliant son whom I adore more than words can say. Another child just didn’t fit into the life I had created for my family and myself.

I have always been fiercely pro-choice yet I was always one of those people who said that I would never actually have an abortion myself, especially knowing the joys of motherhood first-hand – which is an easy thing to say until faced with making that difficult choice. My husband and I spent hours and hours during those first few days discussing every possible scenario and their potential outcomes. We both cried a lot. Yet, we always ended up back at the same place – I just couldn’t continue with the pregnancy. We phoned a local abortion clinic and made an appointment.

In the seven days that went by while we waited for the day of my appointment to come, I felt many things. Anger and resentment, at the “parasite” living in my body, making me physically sick and tired. Turning my life upside down. Fear. I admit that I was terribly afraid of having the abortion, mainly afraid that I would be an emotional wreck afterwards and that my marriage would fall apart, that I would hate myself, that I would feel a gigantic hole in my life where a second child might have been. I was also afraid to carry the pregnancy to term and afraid of the potential for leaving my son without his mother and my husband without his wife.

When I was six weeks pregnant, my husband and I went to the clinic. The intake worker, counsellor, nurses and doctor were amazing and I was so grateful for the professionalism and compassion they demonstrated. The procedure itself was simple and there was no pain – just some mild cramping for which I was given a Demerol-like painkiller. The “recovery period” in the days that followed was no more physically traumatic than having a normal period.

In the days following the procedure, I tenuously waited for the emotional trauma to set in. I waited for feelings of guilt, regret and self-directed anger….then the days turned to weeks and weeks to months and those feelings never came. What I have felt is relief. Every day is a gift. My body is undisturbed and healthy. My life is full of love, stability and happiness. There is no self-doubt. No regret for what may have been. No looking back with anything but the assurance that my husband and I made the right choice. I am unashamed and absolutely at peace with respect to our decision.

It is imperative that women continue to have access to abortion and have reproductive freedom and control. I feel more strongly about this than ever before and am looking forward to taking a more active role as a lawyer and community member to advocate for continued and increased funding of clinics and also to diminish the social stigma surrounding abortion.

This was my choice, made for my reasons and I’m not sorry.