I was 23 and had sex for the first time with a man, a Catholic, whom I chose for this first encounter since he was a physician, and therefore less likely (I was thinking) to be less likely to have STDs. He didn't want to wear a condom; and in my eagerness (I *really* wanted to have sex), I let him have his way. I thought since I was off-cycle, I was less fertile.
Well - as crazy as it was, I missed my period - for
that month, and the month after, and after.
Awful. I was crazy - how could this be?
My first! and I was pregnant, or so it seemed. I
thought I was being fairly careful, using my idea of a
rhythm method. My mom never taught me about
contraception, and there was almost nothing in school
about it, so my ideas about this were very basic at
the time. I was also working at the time as a
secretary, making very little money and making up the
difference in the sex industry. (I was a dominatrix).
I was very poor and misinformed.
I went to one of the places advertised on the Chicago
El for a 'free pregnancy test'. Before just getting
the results of the test, I was made to see a video
while I was waiting. I didn't know any better at that
time, and they made it seem like the results of the
test were contingent on watching the video the whole
way through. I watched it, full of information I knew
was wrong - I don't remember specifically, but I got
angrier and angrier - and in the end, demanded my
results right there before the end of the video. They
were very apologetic in the face of my real loud
anger.
They gave me the results right there and I left before
they could say another word. I think I broke their
doorknob, and I'm not sorry about that either.
I had the abortion done in a little clinic before dawn
in Wisconsin - not many protestors there, but they
made me feel angry, since they hate sex education AND
abortion -- how can they hate both, I thought?
I was really angry but also very tired, so I just
wanted to get things done.
The abortion was comfortable and quick. There wasn't
more than a little blood and I felt fine the next
day., maybe a little sick, but generally okay. I slept
a lot.
If I had that baby then, I would have starved or been
on aid, which wasn't an option then. I wanted to work,
be an independent woman - if I had wanted to go back
to my mom, it would have been back to a lot of things
I left about. I am not sorry for being strong and
working, and I'm not sorry for going through what I
did - and I learned more about contraception and
education of younger people in the meantime!
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