I had an abortion about 12 years ago, I don't recall the exact date, even the month. I was in my junior year of college. I had a one night stand of sorts that I went back to every couple of months or so, if neither of us had anything going on. Very soon following the conception I got a horrible flu and was bedridden for a week and on a non-safe for pregnancy drug. After I recovered from that, I realized very quickly that something was up, even before I should have had any clue. I waited for the first day of my period (always like clockwork) and got a test, which was positive.
The next morning I called around to the clinics (the
closest one was 4 hours away) and found the cheapest
one and was able to make an appointment for the
following week. I didn't have a car, but had a bunch
of awesome friends. They drove me over the night
before. That morning I got my first taste of morning
sickness. There was only one protestor outside of the
clinic, and she wasn't into the fire and brimstone.
I had my counseling session, and I remember feeling
pretty detached during that. This was just an
unpleasant medical procedure to get through, I didn't
really feel like talking it to death. I'd already
done all of that, if I hadn't I wouldn't have been in
that room. The counselor seemed satisfied, and we
went into the procedure room. I don't recall an
ultrasound being done, but I think it must have
happened, because they dated the pregnancy. I was
less than 6 weeks at that point, and they informed me
they were just going to stick in a syringe and remove
the cells. I've never heard of this happening before,
and honestly have never read about it since, but
that's what my experience was.
They laid me down on a table, and a nurse gave me a
valium and some pain killer and held my hand and told
me she was there for me and wouldn't leave. She was
incredibly kind. In a few minutes it was over, and I
went into the recovery room. There were girls in
obvious pain and I felt sorry for them. One of my
friends was waiting in the waiting room, and we got in
the car and started the drive back.
I waited a long time for the regret I was told I would
feel to set in. 12 years later and I'm still waiting.
I did worry that when I had my gorgeous baby girl
earlier this year that it would bring up some undealt
with feelings, but again, nothing. I wasn't ready
then, and it was the best decision I could have made
for myself. I'm not sorry.
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