In order to tell this story, I must first explain the state I was in at the beginning of my last semester of high school. I had just gotten out of a very intense and very emotionally abusive relationship. When the relationship ended, I was very emotionally broken and confused, and I had no sense as to how to rebuild my world. There was a guy in my group of friends who had liked me for quite some time, and I finally gave into his advances, not because I liked him, too, but because I was lonely.
Now, I had had unprotected sex with my previous boyfriend many times, and had never gotten pregnant, so I had the “I am invincible” mindset, and I honestly believed that I would never get pregnant. I was wrong. The first time I had sex with this new boyfriend, I got pregnant.
I was confused at the time about whether or not I wanted to have the baby, because I was stuck in a sort of dreamland, imagining how perfect my life would be with my baby. Then, I told my parents and my mother was devastated. She had me when she was 20, and she knew how much a baby would change my life.
So I started thinking about how things would change. I thought about how I wouldn’t be able to go out with my friends when I wanted, and how I wouldn’t be able to wear what I wanted. I thought about college, and how I probably wouldn’t be able to go away to school, or maybe even go to school at all. I also came to the realization that I did not, in any way, want to be connected to the man who had gotten me pregnant for the rest of my life. I knew I would at some point break it off with him, which would leave me as a single mother. At the time, I thought these thoughts were selfish, but I have come to realize that thinking about myself was the best thing I could have done.
I told my mother I wanted to get the abortion, and she cried. We made the appointment 10 minutes later. It was a Thursday and I was to get the abortion on Saturday. I was so relieved. The next day, my mother drove me to school, and I was feeling so sick, I could hardly get out of the car. She said, “Don’t worry, Kristina. Tomorrow, this will all be over.” Everyone who knew was supportive of my decision, except my boyfriend. Later that day, I broke up with him, because I wanted everything connected to what was growing in me out of my life forever.
I went to the clinic at 6:30 Saturday morning, and there were a few protesters. I wanted to yell at them and try to make them understand, but I just walked in the doors. My mother was with me. The procedure took only about 10 minutes, and I woke up an hour later, not in pain, just a little groggy. I went home with my mother and slept for the rest of the day. I rested for the weekend, and was back in school on Monday.
I have no regrets. I do not look back and wish I had gone through with the pregnancy. I was never depressed. Now, almost a year later, I look forward to having children…in the future…when I am ready.
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