I chose to have an abortion about three months ago. I have two children who, at the time, were aged five months and three years. Both of my pregnancies were full of complications and both of my children were born prematurely. I knew it as soon as I became pregnant; I didn’t need to take a test. I was exhausted to the point that I could not take care of the children I had, I was throwing up, and I was an emotional mess. I was also broke, and knew that if I decided to carry this pregnancy to term it would mean not working again because of the health risks associated with my pregnancies, and I had no idea how I would support the two children I already had.
I couldn’t bear the thought of killing my child, however. I certainly couldn’t tell anybody about my thoughts of having an abortion, except the baby’s father (also the father of my other two children). I felt so alone. The father was extremely supportive, but wanted to keep the baby.
I came upon this website, and started doing more research into how many women have this procedure. It was a lot more than I had originally thought. I ended up telling my best friend and my sister, who both informed me of other women I knew who had the procedure. After a lot more consideration I decided to have an abortion.
The days leading up to the abortion were really hard. I felt so sad, and I was so sick. I called the abortion clinics and was told there was a five-week wait to get in. I couldn’t bear to wait this long, as sick as I was. I also didn’t want to let the baby develop any more than it already had. I immediately had all of my tests faxed to the clinic and phoned every day just to see if there were any cancels. Luckily, I got in right away.
You must be at least six weeks into your pregnancy to have a surgical abortion. I was six weeks and two days pregnant when I went for the procedure. I was informed when I arrived at the clinic that this early there is a lot more cramping, and there is a higher risk of an incomplete abortion, but I decided to proceed anyway.
As soon as I walked in I had to fill out the paperwork. Soon after a counselor came and spoke to me. I then went for the internal ultrasound – not pleasant, but necessary. I waited about five more minutes and the nurse came to get me. I had to walk past the recovery room, where two girls were crying. I couldn’t look at them. I think that was the hardest part of the whole procedure. I put my legs in the stirrups and was given an IV. I was given a drug that made me feel really dizzy and relaxed and the doctor came in. The nurse was really nice, explained everything, and held my hand. I think the suction lasted only about three minutes, and it did hurt like really bad cramps, but it was bearable. Giving birth is a million times worse. Immediately afterwards they gave me a sanitary napkin and had me lay in the recovery room with a hot water bottle on my tummy. Then the cramps really set in, and I was very nauseous. This lasted for about two hours, but was getting consistently better the whole time.
The next day I felt so much better than I had for the last month. I wasn’t so sad anymore, but felt more relieved that it was all over. I still think about the baby, and the father still hasn’t completely forgiven me, but I’m doing OK. I wish I didn’t have to go through this, but I’m comfortable with the decision I made. It was the best thing for me and my family, and I’m not sorry.
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