It was my first semester of graduate school. My period, which was usually like clockwork, was two weeks late. I picked up a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I had done some research as an undergraduate when I was a Resident Assistant for some of the girls living in my dorm, so I had a good idea of where to look to check out my options. It took me a week of sleepless nights to make the decision to have an abortion, but it’s a decision I have never regretted.
I’d seen the movie screen sized posters that Project Genocide had left all over my campus. I’d heard all of the religious, “moral” arguments about why abortion is supposedly wrong. And I’d listened to the stories of a number of women who’d had bad experiences with their own abortions. Still, it was a choice I made. I’ll say it again, I do not regret my decision.
I called some clinics….the closest ones were five hours away. I didn’t have the money, but a friend let me borrow it. When I called to make my appointment, they told me I had to have a friend with me. Thankfully, I knew someone in the area and she told me she would be there for me. I made all of the arrangements and I drove all the way there and we went to the clinic at 7 the next morning. I had not been told that anesthesia would cost extra. They gave me a valium and an ibuprofen and they did their job. I was told, at that point, that this would be the most pain I would ever feel, next to natural childbirth. As much as that hurt physically, I don’t regret it at all.
My friend took care of me for the next few days and even spotted me the cash to get the antibiotics they prescribed me afterwards. It turned out that she got pregnant around that time and going through the procedure with me helped her make a decision she does not regret—having her baby. We talked about it over the course of many phone calls. For her, the choice was to have it, which she does not regret. And I am happy for her.
Call me selfish, but I have worked too hard to get where I am in life to let this stop me. I always swore that anything that got in the way of my education would have to go. It was the only option that I could live with. I can’t afford to care for a child. I couldn’t have a child and put it up for adoption. Anyway, I don’t have health insurance. I use condoms religiously and I am on the pill, which I pay out of my own pocket. There was a one-in-a-million chance and it happened. There has never been a moment of doubt about what I have done. I stand by it and I would do it over again if I had to.
I value the right to choose and I will not be pressured to believe that what I have done is wrong. If you were in my shoes, you would see it too. I am not sorry.
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