Yesterday, March 24, 2004, I had my abortion. And I don’t feel guilty like I thought I was going to. I always had in the back of my mind that if I got pregnant before I was ready that I was going to have an abortion, but didn’t really think that I was going to be put in that situation. I thought that I was immune to getting pregnant for a while, being "sexually free" for a couple of years, and just recently trying to be serious with someone, not to mention rededicating myself to Christ. All it took was one night of weakness between my boyfriend and I and 4 weeks later, I’m at medical being told that I was pregnant. Let’s just say that I didn’t take the news well at all. That was my nightmare come true, I’m just 20 years old, trying to make a career out of the Marine Corps and I am so far away from home. Not to mention that I’m single.
When I told my boyfriend, I instantly told him that I was going to get an abortion, not thinking twice about it; but I didn’t realize that he didn’t feel the same way about it. I still scheduled an appointment with Planned Parenthood, and had to wait for two weeks. Those was the most trying weeks of my life! I did have to tell my "chain of command" in other words, my boss, about it so I could get time off, and to not let others at work know. It was so hard playing it off, because I had horrible morning sickness, and my emotions were a wreck. Gradually, my boyfriend would hint about how he wanted to keep the baby, saying that he "will be there" for the child. Call me selfish, but what about me? I refuse to bring a child into a single parent household, and have some "pop in" father, who is also in the Marines and can go and do anything he wants, can get sent anywhere, because they don’t care how close a single father is to their child. And on top of that, he had the audacity to offer to be in "live in" parent, like some pretend family or something. That is not what I had in mind.
The most painful part was that my boyfriend wanted for us to talk to our Pastor about the situation–two days before the appointment. I was so relieved that our pastor just told us that of course that he didn’t believe in abortion, and that he is not going to tell us what to do, but on one side of course, God is going to forgive us and that I shouldn’t be forced to make a decision that I would regret just because of other people’s opinions.
Well, when we were going, my boyfriend tried everything to stall and make me late for the appointment. I had to calm him down and let him know that this is for the better. When we got there, I couldn’t believe that there were so many women there, with reasons just as important as mine, but some were by themselves. I was so glad that I didn’t have to be alone. The procedure was faster than I expected, because I was only seven weeks and 4 days, they said, and all the nurses were so nice, and it’s funny that they thought that I was way younger than I said I was. I did cry a little when it was over, like a mixture of relief and sadness, I do admit that I was becoming a little attached to what was growing inside of me. But I know that this was the best decision for me and this is a lesson that will be with me for the rest of my life. No, I don’t hate myself and I’m not sorry.
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