I was 31 when I got pregnant. The father was a divorced friend with 4 children two nearly grown. He and I cared for each other, but marriage was out of the question and so, for him, was a fifth child. I have never been driven by a desire to have children though I love kids. I don't think I'm good parent material for a number of reasons, and I always thought it would be stupid and selfish to have a child I couldn't devote the much needed time and attention to raising.
That does not mean I didn't feel anguish about what course of action to
pursue. I spent three weeks thinking of nothing but. I consulted a
minister who was respectful of my concerns and decisions. I think that
helped more than anything. I was raised pro-choice - but it's still
deeply and profoundly hard to do. We've all be raised also to think
that
getting pregnant should be joyous - a time for celebrating, bonding,
and
unity among the people of existing generations over the coming of the
next. To be pregnant under circumstances that do not permit the
happiness makes the pain and unhappiness all the stronger. What we
regret is that we are pregnant under those circumstances. That's the
real source of sadness. What we do about it is try to make the choice
that is right for us at the time. For me it was quite clear - I needed
to end the pregnancy.
I was lucky that abortion had been legal for four years when I needed
it.
I also found a doctor who at the time was not under seige - the
presence
of huge numbers of protestors lay a decade into the future. I do not
remember the procedure as pleasant - I have a medical condition that
made
it quite painful - but I don't regret at all that I made this decision.
I don't brood about it or feel sad about it. It is what it is.
Circumstances were wrong; the decision was right. I have no regrets.
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