Part of my life story is 3 abortions (one was called a TOP - termination of pregnancy) in England in 1975. I was 17 years old. I had found myself pregnant and very independent. I took a train from London, where I was going to school, to Brighton, and had a TOP. I was back at school a day later.

Answers to some of the questions raised by many today: Did I get depressed? No ... I was grateful that I had been born in an age where it wasn't necessary to visit a back alley puncture clinic that used coat hangers as medical instruments (or so popular rumour had it). Did I regret my choice? No ... my independent nature and courage to go through the procedure on my own, with no one to help shoulder the burden, only reaffirmed the decision I had made when I was very, very young - that I didn’t want children, would never want children and would never regret not having children (all of which has come true) Did I get sick, or tired, or infected, or infertile? No ... so let's fast forward to age 26.

I had asked my GP repeatedly to refer me for a tubal ligation. She refused - you see, I might change my mind ... might regret doing it and want children at some future date ... ”stay on the pill” … even if it makes you feel sick and tired, increases your risk of breast cancer, and ...oh, yeah, lose the lotto … pregnant again. So, down to the local clinic here in Canada, and $476 later, pregnant no more.

Again, the questions: Did I get depressed? Yes ... there was no logical reason for me to have to go through this thing again. Had the medical profession not attempted to act as my conscious and guide, I would have been happily sterile - barren - unable to procreate – spayed (how do you spell that?) … and NOT depressed. Did I regret my choice? NO ... I was grateful I wasn't a single mom trying to raise a child I had never wanted, unable to complete my education and going through with a second pregnancy because I didn't have the 476 bucks to pay for an abortion. I was grateful I hadn't fallen victim to the rally cry of guilt and shame from the Pro Life protesters who hassled me as I walked from the parking lot to the clinic. Did I get sick, or tired, or infected, or infertile? NO.

Fast forward once again to 33. Finally, I am allowed to get a tubal. Oh glorious day - oh long awaited freedom from fear of pregnancy!! Oh drat - a 5 month waiting list! Oh well...onward and upward ... and, yes, once again ... pregnant.

One would think that a 33 year old, intelligent, worldly and sensible woman would know how NOT to get pregnant! After TOP #1, I had become paranoid! I was fanatic about taking the pill as prescribed. I was meticulous with it. When the morning after pill became available, and if I thought there had been the slightest chance that the condom had broken or that there was spillage or that I hadn't taken my pill on time, I had rushed to a clinic to get it. So, my final abortion was performed at the local hospital to the tsk'ing of a nurse who judged me as immoral. I dismay in being repetitive, but some questions and answers are required. Did I get depressed? NO – I got angry. Did I regret my choice? NO – I had chosen long ago. Did I get sick, or tired, or infected or infertile? In order…NO, NO, NO and I don’t know (I had the tubal shortly after – I suspect I would be just as fertile today had I not).

Now that I have relayed my experience on abortion, there are a couple of things I would like to say:

1) Why I choose to have abortions instead of children is of no consequence to or business of anyone - it was my choice.
2) None of the abortions were traumatic in nature. They were performed by professional medical experts who had my best welfare in mind (all but the snotty nurse in #3). I suffered no pain during, and very little after the procedures. I do remember dramatizing my first abortion in an effort to guilt out my boyfriend – but I became tired of that little manipulation within a few weeks.
3) When my life wasn't going as I had planned, I tried to look for swords to fall on, crosses to carry and excuses for not taking personal responsibility for how things were. Attempting to justify depression, poor self-esteem, anxiety, and any number of emotional issues because of an abortion didn’t work for me. I had attempted to go there on occasion, as it seemed the easier, softer way. Thank god and good role-models, I didn't.
4) Would I do it again? You bet. But, I would have talked about it more openly. There is healing necessary. The healing is not to save my soul or repent my sins. The healing is in right-sizing negative messages of abortion as "murder". Martyrdom in the form of “I have killed my baby” and now want to be redeemed in the eyes of whatever god you believe in, is not my idea of spirituality. Healing, in my understanding of love, is in talking openly with accepting, non-judgemental human beings who have been through the same thing, and come out OK on the other side.
5) If anyone has regrets about decisions they have made in their life, welcome to the human race! I have made many mistakes and had many successes, and I suspect I will live long enough to make many, many more. For me, abortion has been a good decision. I empathize with anyone suffering from negative emotional effects from their decisions (not just on abortion, but any life matter) and hope they are able to find healing in a healthy, guilt free environment. It is out there, if you search.

If there is anything I can do to help ensure that abortion remains the right of every woman, please let me know.

WOW! That felt good! Thanks.