Not to preach, and I know you’ve heard it, but never trust a man who suggests he’s sterile. I love my husband dearly, and we both thought he was sterile. We’d had unprotected sex for, gosh, a year and a half before I got pregnant. I had this feeling that everything had just caved in on my head when I saw the positive pregnancy test. My husband (well, boyfriend at the time, he married me anyway!) and I discussed our options and decided that not only did he not want another child (he’d already had three, his youngest being 13) but I didn’t want one period.
After some struggling with trying to raise the funds I’d found out that the county where I live has Medicaid and they pay for one abortion every 12 months (how awesome was that?). Which was a great relief because we’d been very unsuccessful in our attempt to raise the 425 (which would have turned into 475 dollars because I’m Rh negative and didn’t know it at the time) dollars and we actually had some money to, oddly enough, sort of celebrate with. I always feel out of place in sharing my story with other women because with most, I get this amazed stare and the question “You don’t feel guilty or anything?” Which the answer is no, not at all. It was the best thing at the time. Not only was my abortion paid for by the great state of Texas, but I was also early enough to do the non surgical method (for time reference, I had my first abortion June of 2004). I felt such relief when we got home it is to this day indescribable.
I went through what I thought was guilt for about two months, but then talked with my doctor and told him I had been pregnant and had an abortion, and let him know how I was feeling two months after the fact. I had gotten post partum depression! I had no idea a woman could go through that without completing the pregnancy. He prescribed me a low dose anti depressant (which was all I’d agreed to because I’m not too keen on taking any kind of “drugs”) and about a week later I’d stopped crying every night and was doing chores and putzing around like I had before I’d gotten pregnant.
I think of this today and am writing it because I’m going in for my second abortion and am a bit nervous. I’ve never had surgery of any kind, and I’m eleven weeks so I do not qualify for the pill again. I talked with my clinic director about funding, and we raised the 475 dollars to cover the cost. Once again I feel that relief. Although my appointment is yet two hours away, I am already relieved knowing that, even though I do not have much money nor resources, I can, and will, choose today - and I will not regret it.
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