For me it was not an easy decision, because it felt like I was not taking the responsibility I should and because I felt myself to be old enough to take care of a baby- I guess that was society speaking in my head. Those were my first thoughts, yet I was strangely relieved by my doctor’s words, she said that it was no problem to have an abortion, it was not a baby yet and that I should not let society force me to do something I am not ready for.

My boyfriend, who I am with for 6 months did not show much support at the beginning, he expected me to be just happy, to come live with him in Paris, and be a mother----happily, because I love him. My doubts made him angry. He took it personally and thought that any woman should see her fulfillment in having a baby with the man she loves. Now, the problem was that I have been working hard on reaching my career goals for a long time; I am about to finish my masters. I have left my home for a man before and gave up everything, so the least support I wanted was that my boyfriend understands the importance of my career for me and of me being independent. He did not get it, he wanted to stay where he was, wanted me to give up all, come to him, be happy about that, and just be a mother. For him nothing would change…well, not much. I was not prepared to do that for him, since he did not seem to understand my basic need and his respect for my career goals (I must admit, I also consider my career to be more promising than his sport teacher job). I knew I was going to freak out, feel isolated (I do not speak French too well, and I know women feel isolated in the first months anyways), I could only see prison written all over this story.

I tried so many times to talk to him, 4 days before the abortion, he suddenly came to see me and said that he is willing to do anything; it would be crazy to not have this baby, a baby of love and so on. Well, he could leave anytime he feels like it, I will HAVE TO go through with this, and his sudden change was just not convincing enough for me to let go of this prison thought, the responsibility I would have for the rest of my life and the sadness over the loss of my career options, which are wide open again!

I am sad, and honestly I must remind myself of the reasons every once in a while, especially since my boyfriend and I have grown really close during this time, we have finally talked about our plans, dreams, life, the universe and everything. Still I think this was the only reasonable decision I could take. I cannot give up everything (truly everything: home, friends, family, plans, career…) for that. That is a little much to ask for, so I decided for myself. I came stronger out of this, I finally took a decision on my own, completely, and that against the will of most people around me. It has empowered me and given me trust in myself and my decisions. It is an ego booster for me. I will, once I have a stable life, a husband, a home, a job, certainly have children and that will be pretty soon, but this would have kept me from choosing my home, husband and job, it would have forced me to take THAT and I was just not sure enough I wanted to bind myself to it.

The procedure was not too bad, the staff and doctor were really nice and I feel like I am healing up really well.

I know this was the right decision and I am glad I had the opportunity!