I grew up and married the most wonderful man on earth, and quickly realized that we were having trouble conceiving. Two years went by with no luck and we decided to adopt. We adopted two beautiful children and were so thrilled and happy to be done with our family. My infertility was never diagnosed, but I suspect it was related to my being morbidly obese. Unhappy with my weight and health I chose to have a gastric bypass in the summer of 2002. I was thrilled with the results and was informed that I should be very careful and use protection to not get pregnant. Eight months after surgery I unexpectedly became pregnant. My husband and I were both in shock but happy to be having a baby together. I gave birth to my son who was small because I could not really feed him sufficiently because of my surgery but was healthy in every way. I soon developed postpartum depression and anxiety which had me a complete wreck. I could not sleep for days, I could not eat, I could not function for myself or my three children, it was complete hell for all of us when it should have been a very happy time for my family. My husband who is the best in the world took charge of everything while I was completely useless and focused on taking my medication and getting back to normal. With help from my husband and my loving family I regained my sanity and went back to work when my son was six weeks old because I could not handle being home with the children.

It took a good 5 months to get back to feeling happy again, and my husband was set for his vasectomy. Stupidly I miscalculated my cycle and we made one mistake and I became pregnant again. I instantly went back in to panic and depression. My husband was pushing for an abortion, but the brain washing my mom did to me as a child just wouldn’t let me accept that possibility. I struggled with the hardest decision of my life for 9 weeks, and for that entire nine weeks I barely slept, I had lost 20 lbs, I had to force myself to eat. I was terrified for the health of the baby growing inside of me because I was so sick and nervous. So because I had three very small children (6 mos, 4 and 5) that needed their mommy and a husband who was aging by the day I decided to have the abortion my husband thought I should have. To make this situation worse the whole family knew about the pregnancy because I was flipping out again. I went in when I was 9 ½ weeks along and there were protestors outside the clinic and there were many women there with different stories then mine. It was not a horrifying experience, it was very routine, and everyone was pleasant and helpful. I was put out and before I knew it, the procedure was over. I continued with my medication which was a lifesaver.

For many months I struggled with the guilt from the abortion, three moms at my children’s school were pregnant and due the same time I was due which kept it fresh in my mind everyday. But everyday got better and better. I still and will never regret my decision, the only regret I have is stupidly getting pregnant in the first place. I am glad that I had the freedom to have a safe abortion, and am reminded everyday looking at my beautiful children and my loving husband why I did what I did. I am happy to say today I am off all medications, I was able quit my job to stay home with my kids, and I am sooooooooo happy and fulfilled my life is wonderful. I chose to not tell anyone in my family about the abortion especially my mom who would have been devastated, instead I told them I Iost the baby due to stress. All I can say is you have to live your life to the fullest and never look back and that’s exactly what I am doing. Good Luck to all.