I am 28, and my boyfriend is 27. Although we are both old enough, by typical society standards, we were nowhere near ready for a baby. We are both swimming in debt, live with a roommate, and I had just quit my job to concentrate on school. A baby did not factor into our lives this soon.

After a visit to Planned Parenthood, which told me that I was 8 weeks along, we decided on a medical abortion. It was the most difficult, rushed, shameful decision I have ever made. I had an abortion two days ago, on Valentine's Day, and I still feel numb, as if the reality of what I did hasn't hit me yet. I am still bleeding.

After finding out about the pregnancy, I sat at home, surfing the internet for sites that would let me know I was not alone. I found plenty of them, but most were thinly veiled religious sites that assured a scared, pregnant woman that she will rot in hell if she terminates a child of God. These sites made me even more confused, angry, and ashamed than I already was. I felt completely alone. I couldn't handle someone judging me when I was already judging myself so harshly.

The women in the clinic were very calm and soothing, especially the counselor named Monica. I think that if I had encountered anybody that treated me with anything but understanding and respect, I would have walked out. I had about two days to make up my mind, since the pill can only be taken up to 8 weeks and 6 days into the pregnancy. I did not want a surgical abortion - the word "suction" terrified me.

The day was cold, rainy, and gray, which was fine with me. If there had been any protesters outside the clinic, I would have completely lost it. Getting an abortion on Valentine's Day was bad enough.

In the clinic I was given a cup for a urine sample, and was directed to the bathroom. I had to walk across the waiting room, in which two men were waiting for their women. I felt so exposed, as if I had a huge red "A" on my chest. When I got into the bathroom, I saw that the seat was up. I was so irrationally angry - how DARE a man leave the seat up in an abortion clinic? - that I had to restrain myself from opening the door and screaming at them. While I was waiting to be called in for an ultrasound, one of the men kept looking at me. I avoided his eyes, because I was afraid that he was trying to hit on me (like I said, I was irrational). It didn't occur to me that he may have been as terrified as I was, or trying to offer a stranger comfort, I just hated him for being a man, sitting there fully clothed and warm while his woman was being poked and prodded by strangers. I hated him for looking at me when I was so vulnerable.

Monica, the counselor, assured me that I was not alone. When I asked, she told me that about 20 women per week come to the clinic for the pill, and about 100 women come for the surgery. And this is just one clinic. Her matter-of-fact manner helped me realize that I was not murdering; I was taking control of my life and my body.

My boyfriend was with me the entire time, holding my hand, even when I didn't want him to touch me. After taking the second set of pills at home the next day, I experienced the worst pain I have ever felt for about two hours, then the cramps settled into typical period cramps. I laid on the couch and cried, then took the Vicodin that had been prescribed and waited for the night to end.

This experience has changed me, but I cannot say that I regret it. I am still unsure how I feel about everything, although I know what's done is done. I am unsettled, but I am starting to feel better. I do know that I can't see myself as a mother now. I am not ready, and neither is my boyfriend. Bringing a baby into a life like that would not have been fair to any of us - it would have been desperate.

So I am not sorry.