My first abortion was a no-brainer. I was 17 and a senior in high school. I was involved in a serious committed relationship, but neither of us was ready to make the kind of commitment a child involved. We both lived at home with our parents, and I was getting ready to start college the following year. The procedure was a blur, but it was not painful. Ultimately, our relationship did not endure all the changes we ended up going through. I can’t imagine having gone through my own “growing up” while raising a child.
I am now happily married and thought that we were ready for a child. I kept seeing all my friends get pregnant and it just seems to be what is expected of you, especially by my age. I am 30 and have been married for 3 years. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I was overwhelmed with fear and guilt; not the way I had imagined it would be. I think I wanted to get pregnant so I could be distracted from problems with my own life. My husband and I were conflicted for weeks as we debated what to do. Should we have the baby and suck it up since we made the decision and should have to live with it, or terminate and deal with issues that I was trying to avoid by having a baby? I chose the latter and am now back in school working on a master’s degree. Obviously this was a much more difficult and painful decision than my 1st abortion. I still feel guilty for purposely getting pregnant when deep inside I was really not ready yet. Nonetheless, I know we made the right decision. I am not proud of my own poor decisions that got me into the situation in the first place, but I do not regret my final decision to have an abortion. Once I have accomplished more of my goals then I will be ready to share my life with a child.
We must continue to allow women the option to choose what is right for their body and life and to have access to safe and legal abortions. It is a personal decision that least of all should involve the state or a bunch of holy rollers.
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