Although I do pop up from time to time on INS’ Facebook page (and love that more and more discover the site each day) I have been woefully neglectful of INS in recent months. Since a lot of people who hang out at Facebook are relative INS n00bs I just wanted to give you a little background about why there can be months of downtime around here.
INS is a labor of love for me. I make absolutely no money from it, no one pays me to run it. The overhaul last September was the first time someone other than me worked on the site; INS is basically a one-woman show and has been since it was created in January 2003. Granted, its current platform is far easier for me to work, but in the end it’s still work, and being intrinsically lazy by nature sometimes I have to force myself to do the work.
I also have a life outside of things INS and lately it’s been busy. The biggest event going on right now is my and my husband’s decision to downsize and move into the actual city of Richmond–despite the Richmond address we live in the county southwest of the city. We found a beautiful condo in a circa-1907 house in the Church Hill section of Richmond and amazingly were able to sell our current house within twelve days of listing it (take that, real estate slump!). We’re three weeks away from closing and moving, and I seem to spend my evenings after work making piles for Goodwill as a four bedroom house apparently can hold a lot of crap. It’s a lot of headaches and hassle right now but it’ll be worth it in the end–our commute will be cut from thirteen miles to roughly two and a half; I’ll be able to get out and walk without worrying about being sideswiped by a soccer mom in a minivan yakking on her cell phone or having some perv try to pick me up as there’s no sidewalks in the ‘burbs; living in a beautiful, historic and friendly neighborhood in a place that has character and doesn’t look like a McHouse. Considering that when I met my husband we were about as low on the financial totem pole as you can get we’ve come a long way.
So once we’re settled in the new place and I can breathe again I can turn my attention back to INS. Again, if you’ve submitted a story I promise you I still have it. Maybe I’ll be all hipster and take my laptop to the coffee shop two blocks from my new place and use their wi-fi, heh heh.
Congrats on being able to sell your house so fast, Patricia! Sounds like you and your husband found a great place! Hope your move goes smoothly too-I moved for 2 and a half months over the summer (long story but it was horrible).
Hey Patricia, glad to see you’re back. It’s been quite a while, six months! I think it’s neat that you were able to sell your house that fast. And I hope everything goes well for you, your new neighborhood seems really nice, best of luck!
By the way, some bad news. My aunt, who actually contributed her story on here, has just died almost two months ago. She was only 56. I’ll miss her forever.
Emie-so sorry to hear about your aunt-(((hugs))).
Awww, thanks Robin. I appreciate it. I’ll still have pictures and great memories of her, so it’s not all that bad. But it’s still weird to lose a loved one, and think you will never actually see them again. Very sad thought indeed and only people that have experienced that would of course know that feeling as well.
Ok. I am pro-choice and I had an abortion and I do not regret it. However, I am tired of seeing this hate mongering and immature nastiness coming from the pro-choice side. This site is a huge disappointment. It could do a lot of good but all you seem to do is rant and rave about the anti-abortionists. If you just shared stories of women who had positive abortion experiences that would suffice enough, but I think people who are undecided on the issue are going to be completely turned off with the name-calling, immature arguments and no sources to back up the facts.
Others do. I don’t. Take it up with them.
Hi long time no see. I am posting again for my anger at the positions we are facing again today.Does this crap never end? End contraceptives? Letting women know their rights as an attack a t “religious freedom?” I just have one thing to say here. If we vote Obama out of office,god help you all in the future.God help ALL you women who deserve everything in life. Who have fought for everything the Republican wingnuts strive to strip you of. The a-hole governor Walker ,in wisconsin has all ready stripped the right of equal pay for equal work.There is a war against women coupled with the war against the middle class that if we sit still on our butts will come sbout If we do not galvinise in overwhelming strenght to bring this crap to an end. Please keep that in mind and lets get to work to send these serpents packing away
By the way,Hi again Patricia been a long time.
We have a war on our hands. Let’s get to fighting it
Hello, I did read your blog intensively and a great many of the stories from woemen that you have posted. All I will say is that I will pray for you.
Mother Teresa: “It is a poverty that we kill children so that we can live as we wish.”
God Bless You.
I read through a lot of this “I’m not Sorry” site because I spend a lot of time trying to understand the pro-choice side and I think reading your site helped, but I still have lots of lingering questions. I wanted to ask them on the guestbook (respectfully) but I couldn’t quite figure out how, so I figured I’d post them here.
Just for full disclosure, I consider myself pro-life (or anti-abortion, either title is OK with me) in most all circumstances, but I am more open to those abortions of babies without brains or something like that and I (of course) condone abortion in the clear instance to save mother physical life. I wouldn’t necessarily categorize myself as “anti-choice” because I support the choices of astinence, sex with responsible birth control, adoption or keeping baby. However I am very uncomfortable with abortion as birth control or backup birth control absent medical indications for abortion. I am not religious in any way and have no opinion whatsoever on whether someone wants ten kids or none. My feelings regarding abortion stem from a very sophisticated scientific knowledge regarding fetal development but also largely from a gut-reaction. My sister is an OB/gyn (staunchly against abortion) my mother is a very advanced neonatologist (also against abortion) and my older sister is an anesthesiologist (I think she is undecided but leans pro-choice, at least in many situations). But the gut-reaction to abortion I think you either have or don’t. When I was shown by my mother via diagrams what an abortion entails and did further internet research myself I reacted with shock, even horror. It was a very natural and uninduced reaction, and similar to the reactions I had when I learned of the Nazi genocide (I am Jewish, but secular), or the carnage in Iraq (where I was an aid worker in 2007 – 2008). Perhaps I reacted and still react that way to abortion (sadness and on some level, horror) because I guess I naturally viewed the love and bond between mother and growing fetus/child in the womb as one of the more beautiful things in a world that seemed to me, at times, so full of sadness and horrors. I think I was simply born very maternal. I love the random homeless kids on the street and have pleaded (and will continue to plead) with my husband to allow us to adopt one of them one day (right now he says he has no interest in children not his own, but I’m still gonna work on him). Until then, I have one very sweet toddler of my own, and we’re growing another one now.
I have appreciated the ability to read this site. It seemed written in a very defensive way, but perhaps that makes sense. Most people expect a woman to feel some remorse or sadness from an abortion. Women who don’t must feel very defensive about that. Your site has shown me that women who never want children are far less likely to ever regret their abortion and that makes perfect sense to me. I imagine women like this are far less maternal in general and so have less or no connection to the fetus growing in them. I think (and research shows) this childless by choice population is the minority of women, but it was helpful for me to see that nonetheless. I know so many women (some very close friends) that do regret their abortion, so it was very easy for me to take a “abortion hurts all women” position. Now I think I will just have to say, to my knowledge, “abortion hurts a LOT of women.” I actually tend to like the secular, feminist-based organization “Feminists for Life” a lot. I don’t really feel a sense of triumph when a woman gets an abortion. Mostly I feel like, society has failed that woman.
My oldest sister, like you, has no interest in having no children and I support her in this 100%. She is a very accomplished and caring anesthesiologist and loves dogs, and in my opinion, we need people who can concentrate on just doing those two things. I don’t want to force parenthood on anyone, but I have always viewed adoption as the most positive solution for all parties involved and I’ve actually seen it work out really well (for mother). I did not get to see how child was doing, but mom says very well (it was an open adoption). In adoption,child gets to be born, grow in loving family, woman gets to go on with her life free of parenthood, but doesnt have to wonder or worry about if she killed something or not. The friends I know that regret their abortion I think took a real self-esteem hit, because they had an abortion but also really wanted and still want to view themselves as very nurturing women who will make good mothers one day. That’s been hard for them. (By the way, I have not shared my views of abortion with these friends of mine that had abortions, out of respect). The nice thing about adoption was that the woman doesnt have to have an abortion in her past. Some women carry that weight very hard and don’t feel about it like many of the women on here seem to, whether religious or not. Many women do feel a loss of broken loyalty between herself and the fetus which depended on her good will. Adoption always seemed like a tough 6 more months, in which everyone around should give all the support the woman asks for, but the win-win in the end and less heartache over time for the woman, not just the child.
Sorry I went on so long. I am a writer (usually better and more concise ;). I often think about how we can try to find a more positive, less . . . destructive (for the fetus) if you will, solution than abortion. I agree with you on thinking before sex, good birth control, etc but I also have this feeling like we can’t just discard unwanted fetuses as trash. I guess I have some innate feeling that, they are of value. I’m not sure exactly what that value is, but its what I felt when looking at my 12 week old fetus, now my son, swimming around in my uterus. I was shocked at how developed he was then!
I think its like most other aspects of morality. You feel killing a 20 year old is wrong, simply because it feels that way in your innermost self. I feel that way about abortion. Just like . . . cringe. The physical process, the act of it, so closely resembles violence to me. Seems such a violent means to achieve one’s ends to avoid childbearing. I am not sure we can 100% separate sex and babies. I think they tend to go together, and probably will forever. Can we find a better way?
I think, after all this rambling my question for you ladies is, what is the value of a fetus? Does it have any? None? Some? Is the fetuses value solely based on how the carrying woman values the fetus at that time? Does the value of the fetus grow as the fetus grows (for instance, 8 weeks pregnant vs 28 weeks–the gestational age at which my husband was born premature?). I am not sure about that question myself. I tend to find all abortions sad on some level, some less unethical than others, but probably because I tend to find all fetuses of value. That said, in examining my feelings, I admit I did find the later abortions even more sad and even more violent, so in some way I must also subscribe to the “gradualism” theory.
Interested in your thoughts. I don’t think being childless by choice is something to feel even a second of guilt about. I have zero problem with premarital sex (I certainly engaged in it enough) though I always engaged in it with someone I felt I could and would have a child with, if I ended up pregnant (even if I was using birth control). I think I find it unethical to engage in sex with the express plan to use abortion as backup birth control (or primary birth control). It seems like a “i don’t have to be pregnant if I don’t want to regardless of the sexual decisions I have made.” I find that harder to ethically defend, but I’m trying to understand that opinion. Again, for me it’s not at all about punishment for sex or God (I have no idea if there is a God, he/she doesnt discuss that matter with me) but more to do with a gut-reaction that the fetus is something . . . precious. Something of value. I felt that way since the time I learned what abortion was.
So, what do you think about the value of a fetus?
Sorry I went on forever. I didn’t have time to write a shorter response. This was just musings.
Thanks for reading,
Sandi