It’s nearly July 24, 2009 where only a few hours away, I will be receiving an abortion that isn’t my first. When I was 17 my parents never really educated me about sex; they pretended it didn’t happen with teens, so, I ended up getting pregnant because abstinence only education in my public school wasn’t enough to scare some sense into me. I had to tell my mom and we decided an abortion would be best.
When I turned 18 I realized how much I was overprotected from the world, so when I turned 20, I got pregnant while on the pill with a rock’n'roll star-wanna-be drug addicted young man who I stayed with for 3 years and feared leaving because of abuse. I kept the baby, moved in with my parents when he was hauled to jail, and slowly put my and my son’s life back together. I spent years as a single mother working part-time and attending college full-time, these years, we spent on several forms of public assistance even if we did manage to receive child support twice a year.
A few years later I dated a terrific guy who was voted best guy to bring home to mom in my high school. He had a terrific job and was well educated. Turns out he wasn’t so terrific when I got pregnant again, on the pill, I also found out he’d been on dating websites and was still married, albeit separated. I’m glad I made him pay for the abortion.
After another few years of single parenthood I began dating an old childhood friend who I am still with. We got pregnant and decided to keep my now 20 month old. He was sorta planned. I love and cherish both of my sons but almost a year ago we learned that we’d be taking in my boyfriends two teenage children who have special needs because they were severly abused and neglected,so as this posed a huge challenge to our limited income and family dynamic (and around the same time we both received pink slips and are both currently laid off, for nearly a year now) I was completely devistated to learn that I became pregnant. With the stressors of trying to obtain public assistance, being laid off, and having four children to provide for, I’ve been plain old too tired for doing the deed. Since it happened so infrequently the last 4 months (and since I am obsessive compulsive) I decided to force him to wear a condom when we did manage to have the time to “do it”. So I am having fits of anger at myself and at God for making me get pregnant on two forms of contraception. The only ones that know are me, my boyfriend, and my mom. My mom ended up finding out because I was in the hospital for a thyroid condition that can make it possible for me to not be able to safely go through any surgery. I’ve been angry at any and all medical assistants who’ve been tending to my medical condition because they can see on their linked systems in the hospital that I am pregnant. So when I tell them about my two forms of contraception they preach God business and say abortion is bad, trying to talk me into keeping a pregnancy that I am terrified of enduring at the age of 30. My OB/GYN said that the forms I used are each only about 94% preventative. I fell in that 6% intentionally being responsible. Although I’m worried about complications at the moment, and I can’t really sleep right now, I keep reminding myself of all the stressors in my life that are driving me to go through with a right that is legally protected for me to have. I am an unemployed college graduate (with honors) and I decided to apply to grad school, which I was accepted into one of the top 10 in the country for my program. I remember how busy I was as an undergrad with kids. The medication I’m on now slows my heart so I know I wont be anxious tomorrow, for that reason alone. I feel very guilty but I know it is the best decision for me and the children I have now. When I was in the hospital with my second child the docs talked me out of sterilization, I didn’t realize it but it was because I was in a Catholic hospital they refused to do it for me. I wished I never let my doc talk me out of sterilization because I knew 20 months ago thats what I wanted and now I am going through a procedure I’d rather not. But again, I am very relieved and I am letting logic guide me and I know this is something I will not regret. I am Chris, and I am glad I am getting an abortion.
