Amanda D’s Story

At 12 years old, I was raped on a somewhat regular basis by a classmate’s older brother. At the time, I was more afraid of him than the prospect of possibly getting pregnant, so I let it continue. Eventually, my luck ran out and I missed several periods. I didn’t know what that meant, and I was repeatedly told that it’s “normal” to have strange menstrual cycles at that age. Eventually though after doing a little research I got scared and went to a free clinic to get tested. The staff there helped me find the courage to tell my mother what had been happening (I will never forget the unconditional kindness they showed me) My mom urged me to keep the baby, that she would help me and everything would turn out fine, but I knew that wouldn’t be the case.

I had the abortion soon after and although it was one of the most physically painful experiences I’ve had so far in my life, I don’t regret it. I know that if I had the child, he or she would have had a terrible life. To those who suggest I should have somehow kept the baby: A 12-year-old cannot take care of a child, that is if I even survived the birth. No child wants to grow up and learn that they were conceived in violence, or that they share genes with a criminal. How was I supposed to love a child that only exists because of a boy I completely hate? To those who suggest adoption: I would not want to because I child to feel unwanted or empty in any way. There are already so many children in that terribly slow system that I did not want to contribute. To those who say that I have not obeyed god: why should I obey someone who allowed all of this to happen in the first place? I will not tolerate being made to seem like an irrational “baby killer.” I did nothing wrong and I don’t intend on apologizing to anyone. Thank you and similar sites for showing me that I am by no means the only one who feels this way.

I am now an average 17-year-old girl and have recently celebrated (yes, celebrated) the anniversary of my abortion.

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