In my experience with INS, I have learned never to trust an e-mail sent by someone using AOL. You may laugh, but invariably any time I open an email sent by somebody at aol.com it’s an anti. But still, much like the optimist searching for the pony in the pile of horseshit, I open them anyway as I did this morning. And … what a surprise, an anti! However, it was a pleasant and polite anti, albeit one with, by her own admission, a strange request. The text has not been altered:
Hi…
I was wondering if you would be up for something completely unordinary. My standpoint is pro-life, and I came across your website while preparing a presentation for a large group of teenagers. The focus of my presentation was ‘respect life’, and that was the message I worked to communicate.
As I’m sure my belief is frustrating to you, your’s is to me. I saw in the FAQ section that you live in VA. I would love to meet you and discuss this topic. I’m a 29 year old woman that lives in NY and would be willing to fly down to VA in order for the opportunity to meet with you.
You’re probably thinking that this is a ridiculous request, but I believe it is one that could be fruitful for both of us. For two adult women with opposite sides of the spectrum beliefs, meeting to converse as women.
Please let me know if you would be interested in this.
I’m not a paranoid person by nature and the wording is very nice but it still set off my creep meter loudly enough to startle my cats. I let her know that in my reply as well, couched as respectfully as someone going GAH WTF can do when on the receiving end of something like this. It’s natural caution. I don’t think anyone would go running out to meet someone with whom they’ve never spoken or corresponded who sent them an e-mail. Like a lot of people I’ve met others on the internet who I later met in person. For the most part it’s worked out well, but a lot can be hidden behind a web facade. But asking for a face-to-face meeting on the basis of one e-mail and expecting the other person to say “Okay, when and where?” is major presumption. Not to mention creepy as fuck.
A stranger wanting to meet to discuss something on which you will likely never agree is weird enough. Throw in the travel time and money this person is willing to spend just to argue face to face, and more alarms than just the creep alarm start to go off in my mind.
Okay, call me strange, but I wouldn’t get freaked out by such a request. I run a non-profit and I have people contact me all the time (from other parts of the country) asking if they can meet with me. No big deal. Take precautions. Meet in a public place. Don’t reveal any personal info, if you’re that concerned.
Granted, although I’ve personally been through lots in my early life (emotionally deprived mother, sexual abuse from my father), today I’m a healthy, well-adjusted, intelligent, independent, strong woman. I have great friendships, fantastic husband, wonderful and open relationship with my almost adult kids. So, what I’m trying to say is, I really have no reason to be suspicious of people. I suppose if, in my past, I’d been really used by someone, I might feel differently. I don’t know your “story” so I can’t judge. I have had lots of encounters with people who are STRONGLY committed to different ideologies, but we always seem to end them on a friendly basis where we each agree we have the right to our own ideas.
Therefore, I suppose I’d welcome the opportunity to meet someone who thinks differently than I do. I think it’s really sad that, as humans, we so often polarize ourselves. We only want to interact with those who feel like we do. Of course it’s natural to want to hang out with those who believe what we believe and it’s more comfortable. It takes great emotional energy to interact with someone who is diametrically opposed to your beliefs, but if you can do that it’s possible to learn (and teach)something and (perhaps in the process)make the world a little more “friendly”….
just a thought.
I agree w/A – why not start a little polite discussion via email first? Or maybe she just wants to verify for herself that you don’t have horns & a tail, ha ha ;-)!
I think that it’s a reasonable request. I myself am very pro life and it sounds as though she is also. By meeting with you face to face, she can really get a better grip of where you are coming from. Face to face meetings are personal and way more can come from them than just emailing. Sometimes people act very brave over the net or they lie. She seems to be a reasonable person, not some nut who claims to be pro life but wants to kill people associated with abortion. Believe me, these people are in the minority and have no right calling themselves pro life.
I think that if you are sincere in your beliefs and are willing to defend them, you should meet with her in a public area. I know that you say you don’t argu about abortion but it doesn’t have to result in an argument. As someone who is pro life, I cannot for the life of me understand someone with your beliefs. Communication is always the key and who knows, maybe you guys can learn something from eachother.
She replied to my e-mail, agreed that her offer was on the unsettling side and apologized. It would be one thing if she had been local to me but she would have been traveling a considerable distance, which was the major reason my creep alarm sounded so loudly.
And trust me, it ALWAYS results in an argument. I’ve been running INS nearly seven years and have yet to have an anti agree to disagree. And you’re a woman–I cannot for the life of ME understand someone with your beliefs. However, I will not go on an anti site and say so, unlike your side who seems to think the more shit they send the more likely it is that I’ll break down.
Well, you have met your first! I will agree to disagree with you. I feel that you have a right to see things however you want to, as do I. I think we are all responsible for our own actions as well as our own thoughts and beliefs. I’m sure you have viewed many abortion pics in your time running this site, I would never send something like that if that’s what you’re referring to.
I am a woman, with 3 beautiful baby girls only 1 who was planned and just cannot see the commonsense in ending a life because it doesn’t fit well in my plan. I adore the 2 who were not part of the plan just as much as the first.
No arguing, I’m just trying to explain. Well, I wish you all the best and I really wish there was more mature discussion about this very touchy subject. It really shouldn’t always result in an argument.
It’s creepy. Got to admit my first thought was, Why would you want to even have a conversation with someone who believes, despite all scientific evidence, that a zygote’s life is equal to or more worthy than her own? It’s talking to a stone wall. Or a creationist. Or a creationist standing with his back to a stone wall.
I wouldn’t take a chance if I were you. I’ve met far too many weirdos over the internet. A lot of lifers are nuts. Stay away!
WTF i may have some loose screws in my head but somebody asking me to meet a person i have never talked is kind of creepy
I just came across the website tonite…had been looking for stuff so I could understand the pro choice point of view…it is so sad that both sides cannot be more respectful. I am pro life myself and find it interesting that NARAL was founded by a former abortionist, Bernard Nathanson, and that the woman in the Roe side of the court ruling is now pro life. I believe in a womans right to choose birth control, abstinence, parenthood and adoption as well as whether and when to have children to begin with. I truly believe that most people who are pro choice are not pro abortion. In the same way I anti choice, only anti abortion. I am Christian. Love and support are what pregnant women need. Pro Lifers and Pro Choicers, what if we debated lovingly?
Ok…entered my email wrong….sorry! Forgot to mention that Bernard Nathanson is. Now pro life. Back then NARAL stood for National Association for the Repeal of Abortion Laws. Also thought people may find it interesting that I found myself possibly facing a third pregnancy….wasn’t sure about the morning after pill and called Planned Parenthood, my OB-GYNs office, (not my doctor, he wasn’t on call) and a the local crisis pregnancy counseling center. Can’t remember everything everyone told me but I wanted all sides. I had the chance to chit chat for a minute or two with some gals from Planned Parenthood at the community college I work at. I teach preschool though I may get laid off. Budgets, yay. Anyhow they were really sweet. The lady I talked on the phone with some months later said “so you’re anti choice when I explained that i am pro life and I said I support every choice but abortion, my second biggest reason being that pregnancy is pretty easy to prevent. I mean why not use VCF. in addition to condoms, the pill, whatever.? That being said if I had been more responsible I would not have had to consider the plan B pill. Abortion briefly crossed my mind but I knew I could never go through with it….didn’t feel my baby or embryo should pay for mommys irresponsibility. Anyhow I look foward to hearing peoples replies….there was a discussion somewhere I think Arianna Huffington mentioned where people from both sides of this issue came for discussion/ understanding, wonderful moments happened, including apologies!!! Love to hear from you all!!